I never intended to take such a long break from blogging but life has a funny way of throwing things out of whack when you uproot. Transitioning through change, regardless of what it is, can be really exhausting and take a toll even if you’re conditioned for it. The past month has been a road of ups and downs, more downs than ups to be honest. The stress of a new home, neighborhood, job (for Michael), the weeks of endless rain and the loss of our beloved Eli have compounded the feeling of being a fish out of water. Usually this feeling would turn me into a tailspin of judgement but over the course of the past few weeks I’ve been trying to judge less and ask more, “how can I be kinder to myself?”
I’ve been observing how I deal with stress, heartache and feeling displaced. Here are a few things I’ve come to learn:
- I gravitate toward running instead of yoga. Maybe this is the current lack of childcare and the convenience of running but there is something so therapeutic to me about my feet hitting the pavement: step, breathe, step, breathe, like a song or dance. Physical activity has always been my stress-reliever of choice so this comes as no surprise.
- I haven’t felt an urge to write. This includes emails, blog posts, articles. Writing felt to personal and organized. I needed to feel lost, hurt, contemplative before I could put anything down on paper.
Instead, I got my hands dirty. I’ve always wanted to work with furniture but have been too scared, nervous, I’m not sure what, to get started. This transition phase gave me the kick I needed to actually do instead of just daydream. I had no idea what I was doing but I just jumped in. I painted our the kitchen table we bought on Craigslist, I spray painted an old hand me down end table and most significantly, spent a good chunk of time reupholstering this old, beat up chair. I might do a tutorial if anyone is interested?
Noe and I have been in and out of the hardware store and ventured into a fabric store (which made me more nervous than the hardware store). I cursed a million staples, learned a little something about primer and read up on how to avoid brush strokes in your paint. None of my projects are perfect, but they’re mine and they are helping as I transition through this time of change.
So today I’m not stressing over the lack of downdogs, that I’ve yet to turn on our oven, that there hasn’t been a blog post in over a month, that I’m not reading or meditating and watching way too much TV. I’m just rolling with it. Instead of getting down, I’m continuing to ask, “how can I be kinder to myself?”
Because really, I’ve spent so much wasted time beating myself up over a perceived lack of balance, the unchecked to-dos, the unmet expectations, the lack of a perfect post, photo, recipe.
Today my goal is to greet myself gently where I’m at, assess the landscape, chart a path toward the next iteration of the story and walk forward with joy.
That seems like enough.
How can you be kinder to yourself today?
Enjoy and Exhale!