I’m Losing the Race…and that’s okay.

June 26, 2015

mommy and NoeThis week felt a little rough. I have been fairly stable juggling this whole motherhood, work, yoga teacher, housekeeper thing.

But, then, I was unloading the dishwasher and the dishes just weren’t clean. How dare the dishwasher not wash the dishes, it has one job, to CLEAN.

I lost it.

This was right in the hand off to the bedtime routine. Michael gets home around 7 each night and as soon as he gets home I hand off Noe for her bath and bottle feeding. The minute my hands are free the list of the day’s neglected chores starts moving in my head like a news feed at the bottom of the screen…feed the dog, warm the bottle, make dinner, change the laundry, finish the work emails that I didn’t have a chance to get to…and on and on.

On this particular night, with a lazy dishwasher, I started to cry. Michael, being gentle and sane, told me the one thing I knew but needed to hear, “the dishes can wait. Go downstairs and relax.” So I did, I sat on the couch, without my phone or TV or to do list and was simply still, minus a few tears of course.

And I was really still, no getting up and doing a little asana practice to clear my head or going out for a walk. No, I simply splayed out on the couch and looked at the ceiling. It felt slightly wasteful but as the minutes ticked by a clarity came to mind. It was in this stillness that I realized I’m worn out. I’m spreading myself a little too thin. Overlooking the importance of letting things just be has me chasing some imaginary finish line.

Sure there is plenty to be done, to accomplish, to clean (for pete sake there is always so much to clean) but I needed the reminder that these things can wait. That there is no medal or award for having a clean house, a week’s worth of workouts under my belt or five beautiful, Instagram worthy meals on the table.

It’s okay that we ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner at 9pm on Wednesday night, that there are little fur balls of pet hair in the corners of my dining room, that I took a few days off of running to recalibrate and rest my body.

The baby is alive and well, we all have clothes to wear and sheets to sleep on and the dog has been fed dinner every night this week! There is no race, no contest.

My to-do list is still there, lengthy as always, but it’ll all get done, eventually. In the meantime, I think we’ll go lay on a blanket on the floor, look up at the shadows dancing on the ceiling and if we’re feeling ambitious…we’ll try to grab our feet and find a little happy baby.

laying on the floor

Have a wonderful weekend.

Enjoy and Exhale!

 

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2 Comments

  • Reply candace paradis June 26, 2015 at 10:39 am

    Lisa – good for you for finding stillness – the very best thing to do. You are wise. I remember throwing hair brushes at the wall, walking in the field where I would sit on a big rock and cry, and once tearing at my pajamas. And look how good we all are now! xoxoxox

  • Reply Allison July 18, 2015 at 4:54 am

    You’re SOOOO right!!! And SOOO not alone! We ALL have these moments! And although it won’t be the last……you’ll bounce back each time! Makes you stronger! Its an ever changing battle…..even if you had a house keeper come you’d still find your moments of chaos and stress where you feel at your wits end! You can do it all…..in your own time! Its a whole new world, right??!! xoxo

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